Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
