So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
