guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
