he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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