her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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