If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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