Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
