K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
