I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
