We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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