I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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