white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had sex on a dog bed..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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