I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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