let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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