I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
