I'm so fucking centered right now
thus making me awesome and them whores
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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