he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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