Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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