we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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