Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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