So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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