I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
