between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
