Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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