just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
