He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
