What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
