dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
