he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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