What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
