my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
