well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
