were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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