"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
