Ambien. No doubt about it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
