I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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