Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
