I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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