Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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