Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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