You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
