I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
