Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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