dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
a search helicopter?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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