Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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