he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
