i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
