After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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