I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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