I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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