he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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